LOVE

I don't' know why but I've been thinking a lot about this lately, maybe it's the season finale of monk that aired yesterday or maybe it's the fact that my last relationship started January about two years ago

either way it seems pretty odd since I had thought I did a good job of getting that stuff out of my head quite a while back, when it seemed clear that I wasn't really fit for a relationship like that, I'll admit every once in a while I'd like to fantasize about it but for the most part remembering how bad I was in my last relationship ultimately led such fantasize into depression

I think I've always had a bit of a co-dependent/over romanticized ideal of love. Even long before I realized what I was (transsexual just to be clear) I would actually devote a good portion of my time fantasizing about the kind of person I'd end up with and about my wedding (though the second one might be more the fact it was one of the few fantasies were I permitted myself to play the girl role. So maybe no matter how hard I try these thoughts are just too much a part of who I am