Saturday, February 26, 2011

"your so much more then trans" but you'd never say that to a doctor.

this blog post is inspired by a little incident that happened between me and some one else recently, and if your reading this, it's not aimed at you, rather the incident reminded me of several others, and I think it's probably a larger problem in society.

the basic premise of this problem is that I've seen a lot of people say things like "your not a transsexual your so much more, your creative intelligent etc etc" or "why do you define yourself as gay, there's so much more to you then just your sexuality" this always struck me as odd, after all I've never met someone who's gay or trans who would themselves say that by identifying as such there identifying ONLY as such, and I've never been able to see any reason why identifying as trans or gay would by it's nature exclude those things.  the odd thought process that goes behind these sorts of statements was highlighted once I realized that no one as ever said anything similar when I identify as a gamer, a nerd, aspiring computer programmer.

this leads me to a fairly frightening conclusion.  the reason the phrase is suppose to be a compliment is because trans or gay or the like still have a negative connotation. naturally the idea that these things are still looked down upon isn't surprising or a revelations in the least. What is, is that people who are normally sympathetic, still in some deep part of there psyche have trouble seeing people beyond those identities, that there is some how a mental block in them that once someone says there trans they have trouble seeing anything more then a serious of stereotypes surrounding gay or trans people,  like I said in the title and earlier, people would never say something like this when talking about a doctor or an artist, and I don't know of anyone who would say a doctor is incapable of being a writer or singer a well. but when I identify as transsexual, or others identify as homosexual is suppose to suddenly become a big compliment that were seen as more.  though I hate to center so much on the recent incident I had I think I'll close out with an exert from the last messeage I sent to that friend, it may not be the best way to say what I said but I think it captures an emotional essence I felt at the time that would be difficult for me to duplicate. I sent this directly after she had told how I was so much more then just a transsexual, and seemed to think I was clinging to that identity in a way that was isolating me from others. 

"but it's not something I've ever felt confined to, knowing what it is as actually given me great hope, i've found a community of others with similar experiences and I have bonded/started to bond with many of them and the idea that I may be able to one day look in a mirror without hating everything I've seen (I can get pretty graphic here, but I'll hold off)

i've never identified myself as just a transsexual or even as just a trans woman, but none the less that identity is a very vital part (emphasis part) of who I am."

I am nerd, I am geek, I am gamer, I am some one who pretends they have writing talent, and yes I am also trans and so much more, but it is not a compliment to tell me I am not something thing, just because I am many things.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

black widow

so I've been trying (and slowly) getting into comics recently, it started off with me tracking down some of the marvel ultimates line since (has I recently discovered) there suppose to be something of a retelling/re-imagining of the marvel hero's, for the most part the characters are the same but starting off in modern times and free of continutity.

anyway to make a long story short some of what I read prompted me to track down some comics of black widow in the main marvel line so far I've read a trade paper pack of her's called deadly orgin seems like a good place to start if you want to learn about her, didn't have a lot of action scenes but showed a lot of scenes from her history, basically giving an abridged version of her history (as far as I can tell).

and most surprisingly I felt myself connecting and emphasizing with her a lot more then I thought I ever would with a superhero character, if you don't know much about black widow the follwoing might be considered spoilers, but it is all pretty much back story stuff, still be warned.

I found I oddly connected with her plight of feeling fractured, and having spent so long being told who she was that she's having trouble feeling like herself, or like a whole person.  in her case there were even refrences to things being done to her head, which may have made her think that she was something she wasn't (in her case a balarina).  obviously I don't know exactly what it's like, but the basic theme of loosing yourself to what your told you are, and spending time trying to piece your own basic identity together was something I found myself emphasizing with a good deal, and now I'm really looking forward to reading more of her stuff.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

quick update

so a few thing have happened since my last blog, nothing major but a number of small things.

one I got my second cat back, I was really happy about it at first but the two seem to hate eachother suddenly, I'm hoping it's temorary and that they'll go back to there friendly selves soon.

I was very recently contacted by an old friend who I figured wasn't willing to put any effort or energy into our friendship, so I'm kinda happy about that, but a little cautious since she might easily go back into that attitude.

and I did one of my nerdiest things on tumblr and made a blog dedicated to random thoughts from across the Borg collective please check it out share it, and feel free to submit to it, i'd love to start posting stuff on there that came from other people. (I've also included a picture of one of my recent jokes on the blog)