Saturday, January 29, 2011

just venting

it should be fairly obvious by now that I consider my online spaces to be some sort of safe space for me and my issues. today I'm going to be taking advantage of that and I'll be venting a little about one particular individual, who I won't name, but has consistently pretended to be a friend (even after I made it clear I didn't care for the friendship) but as attacked me, claimed I couldn't really be trans unless I obsessed over one thing she obsessed over, continually asks me questions that are very hurtful to me, even after I have answered the question, explained the situation isn't going to change, and explained numerous times that it is a very harmful question for me, and when I have the gall to get upset when she asks it for the 12th time (I think I'm lowballing it) accused of being bitchy and being in PMS.

it should be quite clear that this person is obviously deeply misogynistic, what with the whole "upsetting questions make you upset, change your tampon" (she actually did say stuff like change your tampon) and her claiming that I can't really be a woman if I don't obsess over her (traditionally girly) interest. but is also incredibly rude and has no sense of respecting another human being. I think what annoys me the most is that just when I think she's gotten the picture on something she some how always comes back with the same annoying attitude and the same fucking question.  the reason this came up today is that she recently started trying to re-initiate contact with me, and the same day, when I simply gave some info to a question she posed to a comunity she STILL managed to come at me.  it's gotten to the point were I can't be sure if she's really that dense, or if she is trying to bully me, and in fact I've considered reporting her on the claims of bullying.

I'll admit there are multiple people I don't get along with, happens to everybody, most people I simply hope not to see.  I know this girl from an online community/safe space and she has the honor of being the only person I would ever want to leave or be booted off that place.

Sunday, January 23, 2011


my birthday was a couple of days ago so now I'm officially 24 years old, as such I've made the joke "still not old enough to rent a car" a number of times in the last few days.

all in all I think I had a pretty good birthday, i've been doing less and less for my birthday since I got out of high school, and this year if it weren't for my parents taking me out to a birthday dinner and movie I wouldn't have done anything but I got a few good meals and managed to see both black swan (great movie, a lot more sex then I was expecting though) and green hornet (funny movie) I also got some of my favorite food which I'll be slowing eating, unfortunately I'll be eating it slowly because pineapple always gives me sores not to try and make it last longer.

in the next couple of weeks I hope to have a post with some more detail about my struggle with depression but to be honest, those posts are really hard for me to get out, when I have the energy to type them everything in me doesn't want to dwell on the thoughts but when the thoughts are there anyway I don't have the energy to type, but in the long run getting them out there has helped tremendously in the long run so I'll try and get something typed up.

Sunday, January 16, 2011


so I saw the new tron movie a little while back, and while I admit it wasn't the deepest story out there I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed it (and I've been playing the opening narration about the grid more then most people could handle), it had wonderful visuals and great action scenes and story wise felt like a true successor to tron, which I admit I only saw a few years back when Disney decided to air it on TV (around the time they released kingdom hearts 2 and I still wonder if that was coincidence or if they purposefully did that).  they even had a number of good nods to computer science while they were still in the real world, real UNIX commands were actually used (any one wondering were the kill -9 thing came from) and even the sound track was very enjoyable even if it seemed like daft punk had to write most of the music to fit has background music instead of stand alone tracks. and I really hope they go through with there plans of making more of these, I've even heard rumors of them making an animated series to act as a bridge between the original and the new one.

but lets face facts, I am a giant nerd, I consider myself to barely know UNIX commands yet I was still able to catch a few they used, and being the giant computer nerd any movie about somebody being sucked into a computer world is probably going to have to work really hard to make me not like it. now for the big question, WHY, is the original tron not available for dvd, it looks like it was made at some point but checking online used copies were going for about 70 bucks and netflix didn't have it for rent either I'm going to wait till legacy is on DVD before I decide it's OK for me to pirate it (I'm hoping for a combo pack or something) but watching the sequel brought back a few memories of the one time I managed to see the original and made me realize I really wanted to see it again, and commercially seems like they would be printing more of the movies to sell as I'm sure others think the same I do and I've seen people who wanted to check out the original before watching the new one, but over priced used copies seem to be all that's available.

Sunday, January 9, 2011


hello, I hope everyone had a good holiday. mine was pretty good once I got past a scare with one of my cats. but it's ok and the cat will be just fine.

now here's a little fact about myself I always found curious and a little odd.  my favorite genres of fiction are fantasy and cyberpunk.  two genres that I don't think could have less to do with each other.  but it goes a lot deeper then just liking to read/watch/play those genres the most.  my two favorite fictional characters are link, a noble swordsman who's effectively an elf. and major makoto kusangi, a cyborg woman and talented hacker, leader of a nearly military police unit that bends and breaks rules on a some what regular basis.

heck even some of my ideas of paradise fit this (the ones that revolve around the environment I'm in rather then the people I'm around)  a quite place with a big lake I spend most of the day in (to be fair I doubt I could handle that long term without a computer) or being able to immerse myself in a digital world with all the information and knowledge of the ages is instantly accessible (not a clue how I'd handle that long term).  just always thought the constant contrast between the two was a bit odd, are a lot of people out there like this or is it just me?