Saturday, March 13, 2010


I've been trying to compose some of my more intamate thoughts down into a more coherent narative, unfortunantly I haven't really been sucsessful in that but here's here's a breif sum up

am I a burden?

sorry I can't give as much detail as I'd like but that question, tends to be the ultimate question that pops up during the worst of my depressive phase and ultimately I can't stand the thought that the answer may be yes, that to all the people in my life and everyone I care about that I am somehow a burden to them, financially emotionally, etc etc.  the thought that I might be taking more happiness out of there lives then I'm adding is frankly too much for me to handle.  I already learned that was the case during my last romantic relationship and since I doubt I could do any better is the reason why I gave up on such relationships.

Monday, March 8, 2010

updates are coming

just when I think I might be out of my motivational slump it seems to come up again, but this time I promise you I'll have at least one update by the end of the week, other then this one of course, I'm actually working on two, and just to give you a heads up, one of them is fairly self indulgent, I've learned in the past that sometimes putting the negative thought that flair up during my depression on paper (or computer file) and trying to properly compose them can help, and if for no other reason that to give those interested a better look into my thoughts (kind of what I promised with the title of the blog).  the second should be much more interesting, I'm not sure how successful it will be but i'm hoping to take a close look at the deeper meanings that attract people to certain types of fiction, just to give a few brief examples I plan on talking more about how cyber punk offers a freedom of the mind that I'm attracted to, as well as how some people found hope for the future in the original star trek and i've heard people say that super hero comics give the sense of the strength of the human sole