Friday, January 18, 2013


so this Monday is going to be my 26th birthday, and this also happens to be my 100th post on this blog.  as such I'm feeling a bit reflective but I'm also a bit low on energy so here's the cliff notes of what's been going on in my life, and in my head.

since my last post I've actually been doing really good for the most part.  I had a lot of energy and was feeling pretty good, I didn't make any progress on anything for my blog but I did a lot of work on code academy(a website that teaches programming languages), even started a book called the game makers apprentice that teaches you how to use game maker (software that lets you make games, designed to be easy for individuals or small groups), and I was doing a lot of reading.  I know that last one sounds weird but I can roughly gauge my mood by my leisure activities, as much as I love reading, it seems difficult for me to get the energy to do it, and when I get really bad I start to just watch movies or TV shows and little else to relax,  though normally I spend my time in a state were my preferred activity is video games. And then for some reason my energy just rapidly dropped, I'm not entirely sure why but I have been experimenting with an over the counter depression med (st. johnsons wort) I was originally on pretty high dosage (2 pills three times a day)  and I tried to cut down to twice a day.  while it could be a coincidence(since my depression has it's ups and downs) I think I'll be sticking with the really high dosage from now on.

on another note i've been reflecting on my blog.  I started it a little over three years ago, and it's a bit surprising what has changed,  I've learned a great deal about how my depression works. I've managed to get back into school for programming. and even though it's been a slow process I do feel I've made significant progress in clearing up a lot of my emotional baggage. heck I managed to go from thinking I needed repay my x for all the pain I caused her to realizing that, no I don't have to and it was really fucked up of her to shame me every night for not being ready for sex.  has a result I've finally managed to distance myself from her though I still contemplate deleting my account at the haven and changing my YIM ID just so there's no way left for her harass me again.

also I've watched this trailer about a million times in the last week.  the game is a long way away from release but I'm looking forward to it.(if your not famliar with cyberpunk 2020 and you want to watch the video open it on youtube and read the description first.  the trailer needs a lot of insider info to understand but the description does a pretty good job telling you what you need to know).