Twitter

this may seem odd to you but I finally broke down and signed up for twitter, I have no idea how often I'll update it since I mostly signed up to follow flecia day (codex from the guild) but you might see a few random thoughts, after all since it only allows 140 charecters it seems perfect for something that crosses my mind but doens't feel blog worthy

Links highlight: there will be brawl

this has been one of my favorite web-series for a majority of the year, it only been updating once a month but it's well worth the wait, they have amazing scripting acting and the costumes are incredible plus they have just about every character from super-smash brothers brawl. be warned though the charecter have little in common with there video game counterparts, the story the writers have constructed a very dark story, involving a city that is tearing itself apart as crimlords are involved in a bloody territory war.  I know that so far I may not be doing a good job of selling this show but that's mostly since I don't want to give up the surprises it has, but I still encourage you to check it out, they have nine episodes has of this post plus some filler, the series finale should also be posted soon (in fact that one is running behind, it should have been up yesterday) so you'll be able to enjoy the whole story at pretty much your own pace)

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/there-will-be-brawl

depression

ok just thought I'd give my small group of readers a head up. for those that don't know, I have depression, diagnosed and previously medicated (an knowingly I should get that prescription renewed) , I cant' say how it works for everybody but mine goes in cycles, and as the evidence of my previous post and my one on love, I'm kinda moving into a pretty big low at the moment, the chance to express myself was part of the reason why I made this blog, but I don't want this to be come the kind of thing that live journal was made a joke for, until I'm out of this I'll try my best to keep the Saturday updates fairly light hear ted, but unfortunate i can't speak for any others I might make.

Characters

I'll warn you ahead of time, I have no idea were I'm going with this posts, just one of those things I felt the need to get out but didn't know the best way how

So a little earlier today I got in a brief discussion about RP characters that are a lot like the player, or specifically characters that are the person the player thinks of as the real them. The person I was talking to has a character like that she regularly uses, I had one that I've used in one RP. And while I'll admit I learned a lot about myself from that RP (one of her arguments why I should bring her back) but well to be blunt, I have something of an epilogue for that RP that ended very happily to her, and when I started thinking about it, I honestly think that's the closest I'll ever get, so despite the benefits of learning about myself, I can't really stand the thought of pulling her out of that.

I think I’m a fangirl (please read that in weird al’s “I think I’m a clone now” tone)

Alright my mom surprised me by popping in last night and having car trouble, so this blog post is already a little later than normal and I don't have

 

Now this was something I've had on my mind for a while, even before I was thinking of myself has a woman. But when it comes to fiction I enjoy, particularly anime I have, the fan tendency's of a stereotypical fangirl with the exception that I don't shove my fandom in other people's faces, well that much. Many of my friends know I'll be obsessed with the legend of Zelda and link once I get the latest iteration (Jaime be warned I'm likely to get one for Christmas) and a large part of it is my rabid obsession about link as a character, who is just above L from death note in my absolute favorite fictional characters of all time). Also at the risk of embarrassing myself, I'll admit I've thought about ending up with kenshin from rouni kenshin on more than one occasion.

You take all those three together and you could probably make an airtight argument that I am indeed a fangirl, especially if you've seen me in one of my more obsessive bouts, and while I'm no longer bothered by this, I still find it fairly odd what do you all think, am I really just a soft spoken fangirl or am I probably

STORIES

Well my normal end of the day chit chat seems to be gone, so I'm left to talk with myself, which now that I have this lovely blog to post two means you get a few more snippets of what's inside my head.

I like to "imagine" short stories, I always intend to write these down and I believe some have reasonable potential to be entertaining for a few people, but usually I lack the motivation, for the last few years one of the recouping themes in these stories were character that started off in various stages of self denial and over the course of the story, were forced to confront their inner demons and as they learn to accept those accept of themselves they eventually become more at peace with themselves and grow stronger (what can I say the fiction I imagine tends to involve a lot of actual fights). for those of you about to point out some parallels between the struggle of my characters and some of the struggle outlined in my post titled "repost" yes, as a matter of fact most of my characters seem to go through metaphorical struggles that mimic my own in a few instances before I even realized it myself. Now while I knew I wasn't the first person to do stories like that I didn't know of any main stream media examples that really fit that description, so I felt it was a somewhat new and "fresh" concept. Then I played persona 4, which was a fantastic game and handled that theme fare better than I ever could have hoped to, as well as found a better way to fit it into the narrative.

Of course I know I shouldn't feel threatened that a professional entertainment group handled a fairly broad theme better than I think I could have. But now that I'm hoping to actually complete a cyberpunk story I started writing last month I can't help but feel that it too may end up as a weak copy of something else popular that already out.

LOVE

I don't' know why but I've been thinking a lot about this lately, maybe it's the season finale of monk that aired yesterday or maybe it's the fact that my last relationship started January about two years ago

either way it seems pretty odd since I had thought I did a good job of getting that stuff out of my head quite a while back, when it seemed clear that I wasn't really fit for a relationship like that, I'll admit every once in a while I'd like to fantasize about it but for the most part remembering how bad I was in my last relationship ultimately led such fantasize into depression

I think I've always had a bit of a co-dependent/over romanticized ideal of love. Even long before I realized what I was (transsexual just to be clear) I would actually devote a good portion of my time fantasizing about the kind of person I'd end up with and about my wedding (though the second one might be more the fact it was one of the few fantasies were I permitted myself to play the girl role. So maybe no matter how hard I try these thoughts are just too much a part of who I am