Friday, October 15, 2010

when a home makes you feel unwelcome

I know I probably sound like a broken record at this point but I'd like to start off by apologizing for not posting in a while.  the class I have this month is consuming a lot of my spare time (without the benefit of actually being educational beyond the first week.) and I have a few ideas for posts I hope to get started on soon, but I can't promise I'll get to them this month.

now onto the title of this post, and yes this is going to be one of those ranty and is actually composed of two topics.  first has to do with were I've actually been living I found out I need to look for a new place and that I'm going to have to vacate it pretty soon.  I'm in no danger of being homeless as a result, but if I can't find something closer to my school than my dad's place (currently staying with extended family) it will be a lot harder to keep up with school. I have some time to look, but given the budget I'll be looking with it's not exactly hopeful.

the second has to do with my online home, Rachel's haven. it's been a wonderful place for me that allowed me to explore and discover myself but there's been something of a trend developing.  that trend is that they will do actions that make women like me feel unwelcome under the pretense of creating an open atmosphere.  it's not really prevalent yet but a small number of instances have happened in a short enough amount of time it's eroding the atmosphere the place has.  the short version is that in a few threads I was trying to assert that woman like me have a right to be fully acknowledged as women regardless of circumstances such as legal identity how long you've been on hormones, or even what popular media will refer to us as.  those threads were locked out saying they were not conductive to an opening and welcoming atmosphere.  yet in another thread some one (actually one of the same admins that locked out one of the threads I just described) felt the need to comment how trans people (male or female) shouldn't' as a community show objection to horribly offensive media like the family guy episode I already waged about.

to break it down with the haven, there not creating an open atmosphere, there slowly building one with a clear message, that women like me aren't welcome, merely tolerated, we don't have a right to feel safe or in any way express ourselves they'll tolerate many sorts of religious or political discussions that don't appear has hostile, but not if it's some one from the TS community saying anything about our identity.  but the highest members of the staff will still go out of there way to tell us we should be quite docile and merely thank them (or texas) for allowing our existence in any capacity.

like I said this is a few instances that happened fairly recently so things aren't that bad all over yet, but it's starting, very clearly.  if I can figure out the right way to bring it up, or if I see it happen one more time I will say something to the other members of the staff on the site but given who has particpated in it I'm guessing that if I do ever bring up this fact I'll be looking for a new home online and offline.

god this really hitting my depression hard.

[update] I checked one of the threads after posting this and it appears that instead of just locking it it's been upgraded to a full on removal,  I'm gone for the weekend and I want to phrase this right but it only stresses the point, ts men and women aren't really welcome, were not to be seen or acknowledged we are less important then the people who come there because there interest in TG is recreational (not the best word I know since it's still a valid form of self expression and I don't agree with the gender roles but I'm at a loss for words for a better on, and at a loss of time and spirit to look up anther right now) .  I hope I can figure a good way to bring it up, it's not easy pointing out when the only safe place you've had for years starts becoming unsafe and unwelcoming.

[update number 2]  ok I'll probably wait till I see something else again, turns out the thread wasn't deleted by the haven staff so there innocent of that  part of the problem.  


  1. The haven used to be a much nicer more welcoming place when it first started up. but as you have noticed and a few others, It starts to shut some people out and only caters to a select few that they deemed "worthy". it's a real shame that it's come to that. I'm even posting anonymously for fear they will kick me out, instead of just trying to work out the social problems they have brought on themselves to the site. I remember being told by a member from the haven once, and even saw it unfold when it was brought to my attention, that a civil discussion on religion was closed and removed from the site simply because it could possibly turn into a "flame war". not that it had.

  2. Hi,

    Ummm... how do I go about this? I wouldn't want to see ya leave, your post in Transitioning are always so informative. I haven't been on the Haven too long so I can't really comment on any long term change and I haven't seen how people react to you in other boards but I hope you don't leave. It might be true that it isn't as open as before, I have not been around long enough to know, but it is true that even in a place that advertises openness there will be those that cause people discomfort either through thoughtlessness or intentionally. And the staff, well like any internet community a great deal of their concern is with keeping it up and running unfortunately that means some topics will get deleted unfairly and some toes will get stepped on. Overall you have to decide what works best for you but these are my thoughts, I can only be hopeful that they help.