sex

OK I honestly don't know how to get into this, so in my typical fashion I'm just going to akwardly jump into it but a fair warning while I'll try to avoid graphic descriptions the subject matter will ensure that some adult language is used.

I wish I didn't have a sex drive. I know this will sound weird to a lot of people, especially since I have those adult content links on my own blog, but I doubt any one would describe my relationship with sex as healthy. for the record I'm a virgin, unless your one of those extreme types that counts masturbation has losing virginity.

the funny thing is while i'll admit I masturbate fairly regularly I don't 'enjoy' it by any means, I've just learned that if I don't I reach a point were i'll be inexplicably stressed out, iratible and even my body will be tenser, so the matter of when I do it is usually set to when it would be most convinent to take a shower afterward. you see I treet it almost like a pill or an injection, unpleasent but bearable while being better than going without it, I do it then move on and do my best to put it out of my head.

then there also the fact that my sex drive caused a lot of confusion about my sexual identity when I hit puberty. like many other transexuals once that point hit it took a while before I could sort the diffrence between the sexual aspects of it and well the rest of it.

plus not to mention that the body image issues that come with sex and being a transsexual is undoubtedly a major reason why my last (and to date most significant) relationship

I know that was fairly incoherent and unorganized and I thank you if you managed to sit through it, it was just some stuff I needed to get off of my chest.