Tuesday, June 22, 2010

a romance rant

 I didn't know what I would write about this week, but just know I got back from reading the latest blog entry on lady alexia's blog the ups and downs of life as is typically the case with her blog posts I can relate to a lot of what she's saying the way you can always feel depression in the back even when your in a "good mood" even some of the ways her father can make her feel worse when not trying. but what really prompted this post was how she ended it. I really don't believe a beautiful soul like her's is destined to die alone as she seems to believe.  I wanted to post a comment but I have two problems, one is that I don't think I can do it without it sounding like the pre-packaged re-assurance which isn't bad but isn't often that helpful, and two doing so would probably make me something of a hypocrite, since after my last relationship I've felt the same way about myself.  my last girlfriend also seemed to love me no matter what I did, in my case the problem was that she didn't seem to see the real me, showing she didn't know how I was feeling to turn around and say she knew me well enough to know when something was wrong. in my case when I realized that I tried to be the girl she believed I was , but it was too taxing for me, and even when I hit my lowest were I could barely managed to speak she seemed to stay by me.  it was this that helped me realize a few things, one despite the ease of my position I was still finding the relationship emotionally draining to the point were I knew I wouldn't be able to keep it up forever, and two if I couldn't stay in a relationship with a woman who was already somehow convinced that she was in love with me I obviously didn't have a chance at sustaining a real one.

Ok I kinda went off on a tangent there, has I tend to do on my blog. but that's kinda how I came to my conclusions about my own love life in the future. which is one of the reasons I didn't comment on Alexia's blog, also one of the reasons why I really wanted to, I know how lonely that thought process can get sometimes. but she has such a beautiful mind and soul that I don't believe it can possibly apply to her, so if anybody out there is better at being supportive please please post something on her blog


  1. I know Alexia, and she is a lovely person. She deserves more then the belief that it's all down hill. I haven't seen her on YIM for a bit, But she is always a joy to chat with.

  2. It seems to me that love is hard to materialize and even harder to maintain. Freedom and truth are two important elements.