sex

well my computer's back and settled so I suppose it's time to get back to regular updates. and because it's been on my mind I'm going to give a rare post that actually earns the adult content warning I put on the blog.

last time I talked about this I mentioned that I'm a virgin and that still hasn't changed so this will mostly cover my solo experiences, you have been warned.

first I'll give an odd confession while I do masturbate I actually don't think of myself as enjoying it. they main reason I continue to do it is because I've learned that my body does have physical when I try going a long time without it I get stressed more easily, my headaches become more frequent and eventually my body can become more ache (it starts around the shoulders). to add to it, I very rarely experience what I'd refer to as "sexual attraction" based solely on some one's appearances, something some one says is far more likely to trigger that reaction then any way the look dress or act. to put this in perspective, I have probably spent more time fawning over linkara (who is a comic book expert and my fawning started when he nerded out about star trek) and iron liz (who is a very avid pen and paper RPG reviewer) (two people who do entertaining albeit low budget shows on the Internet), while they are by no means unattractive I think it's fair to say wouldn't exactly rank as high as say movie stars or super models in terms of being conventionally attractive.

I think these two things is the main reason why I read caps, when I actually am looking for some erotic story or imagery I need a lot more then just imagery but I don't want to sit and dwell on something for a long time. this has also lead me with very little explorations of my sexual interest or sexuality beyond just discovering a few big ones while I read. but there is a major exception to this, and that's my submissive side.

now I want to stress that there is a lot more to submissiveness and submission then just the sexual fetish involved and it would be doing a disservice to a lot of people to say that it is always about sex or little more then sex, but fact remains that it's difficult to explore without running into a fair amount of sex.

wow long winded rant and only now am I getting to the point, right now I'm going through another phase of attempting to explore this part of myself, the locked in lace forum has some sort of sub or off shoot site called the isle of submission, were I've started role playing, and last night I had another idea. I think I might start writing my first sexually explicit story, I have a lot of scenes I've already started planning out and I have most of the main characters planned (though I'm still trying to decide if I should include magic) while I normally want to avoid stories that are so blatantly self insert I think this might help me out in the long run, both in terms of finding an outlet, and hopefully letting me slide back into writing (there are still a few non sexual stories I want to work on)>