Saturday, April 16, 2011

not on tap

something's been running thorugh my mind lately so hopefully you don't mind if I use this to clean up a few cobwebs that have been hanging out in my head.  just a few things to keep in mind,  the fact that this is coming up now is a good thing, a few years ago I wasn't able to recognize this and tended to blam myself for everything (still blame myself for 99% of it but hey it's progress).  I'm just barely now coming to realize some of the problems with my last romantic relationship (a relationship that happened years ago) it wasn't the only thing wrong with the relationship, however it was a pretty big one, and I think I only recently realized it because in the guise of a "friendship" she's still treating me like this.

I know she's not doing it maliciously but she treats me as if my energy and emotions are on tap for her, she bears little to no regard for ignoring me for small things even after I've expressed concern about it. yet (especially while we were dating) she seems to always expect me to be available, even if she was just bored.  yes she would offer emotional support and the like sometimes, but it rarely had anything to do with when I needed it, and I suspect much more to do with when she decided she was up to it. and keep in mind, she knew about a lot of the problems I had, a very emotional blog post on the haven was effectiveness what started that relationship. I know it might not come off very well in a blog post, especially since I fully understand how sometimes you just can't muster up much energy, sometimes even for important things, so you'll have to take my word that what she did was not just a few isolated incidents, it was the norm, and her volunteering any energy or even willing to listen to me when I was having problems were rare.

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