wow, a month

ok I know I say this a lot but sorry it's been so long my energy has been kinda sapped my dwindling reserve, when I can muster something it's generally gone to school.

I'll be starting school tomorrow but it looks like there was a delay in my transcripts being processed so none of my pre-requisets got registered in time for me to get into the classes I needed, so first semester is something of a wash filled with classes just to keep me enrolled, I'm really disapointed that it turned out this way, but at least it keeps me on the path to get out of this state and into a situation were I can get hormones.

hopefully I'll be back to regular posting soon, but lately I've been using caffeine to stay functional and combat the energy drain with depression.  as a result I now have a caffeine dependance (not the first time) and I'm still battling the normal depression so I'll try to post but I have no idea what my energy levels will be.

job, steam sale, and college

ok been a lot longer then I thought it would be, my new job as a chaotic schedule,  liking the job so far, it's just I don't know if I'll be working weekends till about thursday, and at any point I can be asked not to come in the next day (not fired, I'm a software tester, sometimes the programmers are running behind and testing slows while they catch up).

I've also been trying to get back to school so I can get a bachleors (4-year) degree.  due to some of my history it's been difficult and I have an interview coming up this week, don't know what to expect and even if it goes well it's no gurantee.

last is the steam sale, wow I have sunk a fair amount of money into games thanks to this, fortunately all the games have been cheap compared their normal prices, and most have been under 5 bucks, so should keep me entertained for a while to come.

started a new job

it's only temporary but I've also been working this weekend, so I haven't had much time or energy to write up my blog post this week, although for once I do have stuff to talk about, and not just the job.  next week I hope to be talking a bit about the new mass effect 3 ending, not the specific details but rather just the emotional impact that a piece of fiction and I feel mass effect will be a great time for that fiction can have, and for a number of reasons (many having to do with me personally) I feel it will make a very good example though I do plan on keeping it spoiler free.

gamerisms

I know I've talked about gamerisms before and while I try to contribute to it truth is I felt I wasn't able to contribute much, I could do the occasional re-blog or posting a link to something relevant, but the few times I tried to write in depth it didn't seem to go over to well.  I was actually getting self conscious about it, I have to say though I wrote a piece earlier this week that was received pretty well which as made fortunately made me confident that I can contribute there, even if it's not as often as I'd like. you can find the post here. be warned it deals with a recent and nasty outbreak of harassment sprung on by the gaming community.

outside of that there's not much positive to talk about, I recently bought the original dues ex and after only some slight modding I was able to get it running perfectly.  I had a bit of a reminder of how important it is to keep my feminine side hidden when my dad was watching some reality tv and there was a young boy with long shiny slightly curly hair, and wearing a lot of pink.  nothing directly came of this one, fortunately my dad missed the key line in the intro that explained that bit, and I managed to get us out of the house before it came up again it's just really disheartening.

downer then kitties

sorry I can't post much this week, my head space is stuck in some places I'd rather nto dwell, you can read a little about it on my tumblr here http://venatus.tumblr.com/post/24797424228/personal-so-im-putting-ths-behind-a-break  yes it's about my ex, every time I think I'm past it something else brings up some more shit.  to make up that have these pictures of the cutest avengers http://fuckyeahblackwidow.tumblr.com/post/24818774158/tauriice-little-loki-was-recently-spotted-at

also kittens

so had a random thought

something that might bring some more varied content into this blog and the gamerisms tumblr blog I sometimes contribute to. I'm talking about some long form game analysis.  now this doesn't mean a review directly, instead I'm taking my inspiration from errant signal and tasteful understated nerd rage (links open in a new page, and will take you to spoiler free video's of theirs).

the basic premise is to talk about the game in a long and serious manner that one might see for movies, literature or other pieces of art.  I'm a bit intimidated as I don't feel as well read as those guys sometimes get, and I believe both of them have actually worked in the gaming industry.  however I feel it's something that's not done very often, those two guys being most of what I've been able to find in that manner so even if I'm not very good at it I don't' think I could exactly hurt anything either.

chances are I'd be doing this in text, largely due to anonymity, voice, and even technical reasons (have one mike I don't think even works anymore).   though I would put more effort into proofreading and re-writing then I normally do on this blog as this blog is generally more about self expression and venting were as these writings would be meant to prompt discussion or in depth thought.

I'm thinking my first article will be on the legend of Zelda ocarina of time. although I'm not sure if there's much interest in this in the firs place, so tell me what you think.

black widow and motoko.

ok so I have some good news and bad news for anyone reading through this blog.  good news, I have an actual post this week, bad news, it's more about the black widow and ghost in the shell. now before I begin I'd like to direct my readers toward a cap that my good friend Jennifer made. her post is here.  her website and the caps are adult oriented and related to BDSM and similar topics so just be aware of that going in.































black widow, and major motoko kusanagi, my two favorite fictional characters.  now I have no idea were the random brain wave came to start comparing them came from, but I began to realize they do have a lot in common.  now this isn't going to be an in depth character study or anything, in terms of psychology and past and motivations their isn't a lot in common, but in skill sets and how they interact with the world.  and just to be clear I'll be using the version of motoko from the stand alone complex anime, not the movie or the original manga (the three are best thought of as different characters entirely).

both characters live in a world, were super human abilities are everywhere, black widow see's the likes of thor, the hulk, iron man, motoko lives in a world were robots look and act like people but can have rifles in their arms or mini guns in their chest.  yet neither one exactly has super powers I'm stretching this with motoko since she is a cyborg with abilities beyond anything a human can do, but they don't seem rare in her world and at best their an exaggeration of human abilities, for example she can jump very high but not fly.  things work similarly for black widow, while she's more down to earth in her abilities no one physical trait she has seems impossible but she's at the peak of human physical ability.

in fights neither character uses brute strength instead both rely on acrobatic ability to outmaneuver their opponents and gain leverage, keep their opponents off guard, or attack parts they can't defend.

but most of all, their both extremely difficult to catch by surprise, they exist in a world were information means the difference between life and death and have become utter masters at gathering all the Intel they can. and generally have a very acute awareness of what's going on around them.  I feel this is particularly potent because that's the main strength of both these characters lie, and I have to admit I really like that aspect of the characters, probably my favorite part about them other then personality or history traits (I know that's a huge thing to remove, but hopefully you get my point.